Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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