fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
