My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
