Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
