It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wish I only lived at night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
