Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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