if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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