love makes seman taste better
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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