forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
