The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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