hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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