Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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