I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think my moral compass just broke
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
