Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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