my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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