I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
