that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
