Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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