Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
