I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
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He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
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Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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