the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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