"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
