why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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