Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
