I cannot find my penis.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
