At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
