The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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