put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My ass is underappreciated
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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