I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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