I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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