as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
