If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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