so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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