used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
