My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
