If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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