woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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What drink are we having for lunch?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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