You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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