She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
