I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
