Moan for me like Helen Keller
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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