Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize