They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So much rum. So many feels.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
