It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
