Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
