I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
