u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
