How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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