i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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