I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
