my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
