Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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