Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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