My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
