hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
