wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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