I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
