Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
They took my balls.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The air taste purple.
Randomize
