I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
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Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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