He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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